Overcoming the urge to fit in
Setting limits to growth and development
Often, we are so afraid to try something new, something we are interested in, because, we are afraid what other people may think or say about us, when we don’t even know who they are. We don’t want to learn a new skill just because we don’t want to be viewed as unknowledgeable or unconfident. We don’t want to be placed in an uncomfortable state of being. However, by doing this, by being constantly afraid to try, we are limiting our personal and professional growth and development.
Our desire to fit in
We grow up wanting to fit in, be accepted, liked and appreciated by every person we meet, whether it is in school, work, or at the local store purchasing groceries. That is what we want and expect, because, that is what makes us feel good about ourselves and gives us a sense of value, whether it is real or perceived. But, who really cares if it’s real as long as we feel good about ourselves and feel the sense of acceptance. That is what we come to expect. When something goes against our expectations, we feel bad, get upset, and discouraged, we do not want to put ourselves in the similar situation again, and, therefore, we choose to avoid it at all costs. We know that avoiding the uncomfortable, new, unexplored, we set limits on our own personal development and growth, because, we miss the opportunities to learn and create new skills that can only be obtained by trying something new, something that we want, but choose to intentionally ignore just to fit in.
We create our own fears
The fears of trying something new, taking a risk, trusting our “gut feel”, exploring challenging unknown, are all fears that we choose to create and hold on to in our mind. First it starts with desire to fit in and be liked by others, then it is fitting into the company’s culture and relationship building expectations, and then it is lack of desire to change and create new habits, because, we’ve lived with the old habits most of our adult life. Therefore, we choose to create and hold on to our own fears that we had created, instead of trying to overcome them and begin improving our life and feel good not because we fit in, but because we choose to accept our reality, accept ourselves for who we are and be happy as a result.
People will judge you anyways
One thing that many of us do not realize is that regardless how hard we try to fit in, be the role model for our peers, be the best in school or place of business, leading by example, there will always be people who will judge you, even if you are doing everything right and for everyone’s benefit. That is just how we are, that’s unfortunate but true. When we see someone who is extremely successful and wealthy, we say that everything that they have was handed over to them by their parents versus them actually earning everything that they have through hard work, education, and extreme dedication to reach their plans and goals. We immediately assign our won labels just because we may not have achieved the same amount of success, wealth, and/or fame. When we see someone who is very successful athlete, someone who has achieved many victories and have accomplished a lot in their life, we say that they were born to be a ‘world class’ athlete, not because they have trained for 15-17 hours each day, including weekend, not because they had to adhere to a very strict diet versus eating everything they wanted. We think this way because it is easier for us to do so, since somewhere deep inside we realize that we would never reach such success.
We judge other people because we refuse to try to change our life for a better even when we really want to, doing what we truly love, or simply, because, we are afraid of challenges and hard work. It is much easier to sit on a couch and judge and blame other people or situations for your own failures or lack of trying. If you really want to achieve something great in life, improve your lifestyle, physical and emotional state of mind, then stop judging others, and start investing in your growth and development, and most importantly, stop being afraid to try
I hope you enjoyed reading and find this module very useful for you or someone else that you may know. Please feel free to share this blog module if you know someone who may benefit from reading it as well
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